“Mum, let me do it for you.”
As caregivers, we often say this out of love. We see our parents struggling with buttons, taking longer to wash or getting tired while preparing food. Naturally, we want to help.
Before taking over, pause and ask:
“Which part can they still do, and which part needs my help?”
This is a useful starting point for understanding occupational therapy and bringing its principles into everyday life.
Occupational therapy, often called OT, helps people participate in everyday activities that matter to them.
“Occupation” includes the things we need, want or enjoy doing—getting dressed, bathing, eating, preparing meals, gardening, praying and meeting friends.
An occupational therapist looks at the person’s abilities, the activity and the surroundings to find ways to make participation easier.
For caregivers, the aim is to help your loved one stay involved, make choices and do what they can safely, with suitable support.
Daily activities can become difficult for several reasons. Your loved one may have pain, reduced strength, difficulty with balance or limited energy. They may struggle to see small labels, hear instructions or remember what comes next.
Confidence matters too.
Your mother says she does not want to shower.
Instead of assuming she is being stubborn, ask:
“Mum, what makes showering difficult or uncomfortable?”
Perhaps her knees hurt, she becomes tired standing and she is frightened of slipping. Poor lighting or a slippery floor may add to her worry.
After assessment, suitable shower seating, correctly fitted grab bars and assistance with difficult parts may help her participate more comfortably. Her healthcare team can also address pain or other health concerns.
Several difficulties can happen together. Understanding the reason helps you choose suitable support.
Sometimes, changing how an activity is done makes it more manageable.
Getting dressed involves choosing clothes, putting them on and managing buttons or zips.
Example: Lay clothes out in the order they will be used. If your father needs a reminder, say:
“Let’s put your arm into this sleeve.”
Give him time before offering the next instruction. If he can put on his shirt but needs help with small buttons, assist with that part.
Some activities can be done while seated.
Example: Your mother enjoys folding laundry but becomes tired standing. Arrange a stable, suitable chair at a table and place a small basket within comfortable reach.
She can continue folding while sitting, with any assistance she normally needs to sit down or stand up.
Example: Before a morning wash, prepare the towel, toiletries and clean clothes. Keep them in familiar places within comfortable reach.
Ask your loved one where they prefer things to go. This reduces interruptions and helps them know where to find what they need.
Example: If your father usually feels more energetic after breakfast, that may be a suitable time to fold a few towels.
He can do a small batch, rest and decide whether to finish the remainder later. Avoid rushing or waiting until he is exhausted.
You can combine all four ideas: sort a small batch of laundry, sit at a suitable table, keep the basket close and take breaks.
Look at the home from your loved one’s point of view.
Example: Your father uses a walking frame to reach the dining table. Check that the route has enough light and enough space for both him and the frame.
Keep the assistance he still needs in place.
Example: A phone charging cable crosses the route to the dining area. Move it away so your mother does not have to step over it.
Check for loose rug edges and clutter that could catch a foot or walking aid.
Example: Your mother finds it difficult to rise from a low sofa. Ask for advice about a chair with a seat height and support suited to her.
The right seating depends on the individual. Footwear should also fit securely and suit their needs.
Example: Your father gets tired standing to wash. An appropriate shower chair may help him wash more of his body himself, while you assist with the parts he cannot manage.
Equipment needs suitable selection, fitting and instruction. A towel rail is not a grab bar, and having a shower chair does not automatically mean someone can shower alone.
Example: Put your mother’s frequently used cup on a shelf she can comfortably reach, rather than in a high cupboard.
Agree on a familiar place so she knows where to find it.
Daily life should include things your loved one enjoys and values. Occupational therapy recognises the importance of meaningful routines and activities in supporting wellbeing.
Example: Your father enjoys gardening but finds heavy pots difficult to move. He could choose herbs to grow and tend small pots at a comfortable height while someone else handles heavy lifting.
Example: Your mother wants to attend a short community gathering but needs transport. Help arrange the journey and any assistance she needs, while letting her decide whom she wants to meet.
Example: Your father values prayer or religious talks. Ask whether he would prefer a quiet space at home, a recording to listen to or support to attend a gathering.
Respect his beliefs and preferences.
Example: Your grandmother finds standing at the kitchen counter tiring. She might sit at a suitable table to wash vegetables and help plan lunch while the family handles cooking and heavier tasks.
Example: Your mother may enjoy reading with a grandchild, listening to a family member or sharing a favourite recipe.
Ask what she would enjoy. Keep the role within her abilities and willingness.
Example: Instead of planning the whole morning for your father, ask:
“Would you like to read after breakfast or call your friend first?”
If planning is difficult, a simple calendar may help, with support as needed. Give him time to choose.
Equipment should address a specific difficulty. An occupational therapist can assess everyday activities and advise on suitable equipment or home adaptations.
Examples to discuss with a professional include:
| Everyday difficulty | Equipment that may help, depending on assessment |
|---|---|
| Becoming tired standing to wash | A suitable shower chair |
| Difficulty sitting on or rising from the toilet | An appropriate raised toilet seat or correctly fitted support rails |
| Difficulty reaching during dressing or washing | A reacher, dressing stick, sock aid or long-handled sponge |
| Needing support while walking | An assessed and correctly fitted walking aid |
| Difficulty gripping ordinary cutlery | Adapted cutlery or easy-grip utensils |
| Difficulty following a medication routine | An appropriate reminder or organiser, with pharmacist advice and supervision where needed |
Example: Your father wants to put on his socks but finds reaching his feet difficult. A sock aid may be worth discussing with an occupational therapist, who can check whether it suits him and teach him how to use it.
The useful starting question is:
“What does my loved one want to do, and what is getting in the way?”
If your loved one gets tired easily, try organising activities around plan, prioritise, pace and position.
Think through the activity and prepare before starting.
Example: Before preparing lunch, gather the ingredients and utensils so your mother does not need to make repeated trips around the kitchen.
Ask what matters most today.
Example: A friend is visiting in the afternoon. Your father may choose to leave some housework for another day so he has energy to get ready and enjoy the visit.
Include enjoyable activities when deciding what matters.
Spread activities out and take breaks between stages.
Example: Your mother can prepare a small amount of vegetables, rest, then decide whether she feels ready to continue. Another family member can finish if she has had enough.
Arrange the body and work area comfortably.
Example: Your grandmother may sit at a suitable table for food preparation, with items nearby, to reduce prolonged standing and unnecessary reaching.
Together, these adjustments can help her contribute using the energy she has. New or worsening tiredness should be discussed with her healthcare team.
Supporting independence takes patience, especially when you are busy.
Start with one activity and ask what your loved one wants to do.
Encourage participation.
“Would you like to fold the small towels while I handle the bedsheets?”
Offer meaningful choices.
“Would you like the blue shirt or the white one?”
Allow enough time.
If getting dressed takes longer, start a little earlier when possible so there is less pressure to rush.
Ask before stepping in.
“Would you like help with that button?”
Respect the need for rest or more help.
“Shall we stop here and finish later?”
Caregivers need support too. If you are unsure how to help with moving, bathing or dressing, ask the rehabilitation team to demonstrate a suitable approach.
Speak with your healthcare team when everyday activities become difficult, you are unsure how much help to give or you need advice about equipment and the home setup.
Explain the difficulty using a real example:
“Mum wants to shower, but she gets tired standing and is frightened of slipping.”
“Dad can put on his shirt, but he struggles with buttons and socks.”
“I want to help safely, but I’m finding bathroom care difficult.”
These details help the therapist understand what matters to your family.
To bring these ideas into daily life, remember:
Keep involved: Give your loved one opportunities to participate and make choices.
Keep it manageable: Use smaller steps, a suitable setup and enough time.
Keep it safe: Provide the environment, equipment and assistance they need.
Keep active and connected: Make room for hobbies, relationships and meaningful routines.
Keep support available: Ask your healthcare team or an occupational therapist when you need guidance.
You do not need to change everything today.
Start with one activity your loved one cares about and ask:
“What would you like to do yourself, and how can I help?”
At iElder, we encourage caregivers to understand the everyday difficulty before choosing an assistive product. Together with professional assessment where needed, a suitable setup can help your loved one stay involved in daily life.
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